The Time I Got a Lift to a Gig with an Elf...

December 5, 2018


In 2017 I had a corporate booking in Cobham where I was to perform my icebreaking magic to the staff as they celebrate their Christmas Work do. I arrived an hour early like I do at most of my events so that the organiser can relax knowing I’m there and ready to begin.

To cut the long story and get to the funny part, the taxi driver I got on the way to the place I was performing, dropped me off at the location where he thought it was happening. When in actual fact we were on the other side. I didn’t know this and nor did the taxi driver as he left me in a cold dark carpark. It was like a country park carpark with not much around a part from trails leading off into the woods. I could see a light flickering in the distance and so thought that this would be where the party was taking place.


I entered the wood and followed the trail.


Half way through and the light was becoming more visible, I noticed that there were people heading towards me. When they got nearer it turned out to be a group of children and their parents. I thought it was a little strange for them to be walking around in the dark woods, but plodded on regardless.


I soon found myself outside a wooden door with trees either side. It was a large door with a sign above which read ‘Come on in’ so I did just that…

And there before my very eyes was the most bizarre scene unfolding in front of me - An Elf rubbing the shoulders of Father Christmas as he lay in his chair...


Startled they stopped what they were doing as they looked over at me.

I looked back at them both with no doubt the same expression across my face.

I apologised for intruding and asked if I was in the right place. Of course I wasn’t! It was however the Christmas Grotto that was connected by one of the other trails that led to a nearer carpark than the one I started in.

I told them where I was trying to get to which the Elf said that it was un walkable as it was too far. I stood there for a second gathering my thoughts as there was no signal on my phone.

So I stood there stuck in Father Christmas’ Grotto in the middle of the woods an hours walk from where I needed to be in just over half an hour.


And then, Father Christmas asked if I needed a lift?!

It would be a lie if I didn’t tell you that an image of a sleigh went through my head when he asked!


He looked at the Elf and said “You can take him over there can’t you. We’re finished for the night here”.


He agreed.


I said night to Father Christmas and was led out the Grotto from another door.


There right in front of me parked up was a… buggy - Like a golf buggy.


We both climbed in and went off on our way.


We entered another carpark about 10 minutes down the track. This carpark had a lot more going on with signs, lights on and people unloading equipment from vans and going in to the building.


Just as we were pulling in I saw the organiser standing outside pointing where things needed to go.


I thanked the Elf hugely, hopped out and introduced myself to the organiser.


She was a little taken back as she watched the buggy drive off and then asked “Did you just get dropped off by an Elf in a golf buggy!?”


I replied “Yes, but only because the sleigh wasn’t working! Right where do you want me?”

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